For the love of god don’t stop doing what you’re doing

Everyday im spending with you, becoming more and more happy. Im becoming more and more free and more and progressively more and more relaxed.

You have brought this calm I haven’t had in a while, like this real sence of calm, is if i feel safe, as if for the first time in my life its okay to really be me fully and truly, and not have to worry about anything, because thats the only thing you want me to be. 

A hope I couldn’t have possibly imagined, to give me hope is no small feat. A hope that there are actually people out there that want me to be happy, and are happy when im smiling. Before I had met you I had no idea people like that existed and was convinced I was the only one. 

I have known you for little less than a week, yet these things i’m feeling because of you, and only you, i havent felt from anyone i have known in well quite a while. and yet the last time doesn’t really come close.  You are incredibly amazing and you should know that. 

Something happened on Monday that had rocked my everything

Feelings. oh my god all the feelings right now…. well all the nice ones right now. and yesturday, and then monday and omg omg OMG. 

And coincidences how in the world, like seriously what has happend to me in the last 2 days has been incredible. Yesturday was the craziest set of circumstances to come together since the world was formed in the “goldilocks zone”, thats how i feel right now.

There’s this person I met. By complete utter accident, complete and utter 175% accident. I mean you know how you see stuff in the movies and things just happened because of everything else happening, like butterfly like effect…. yeah that’s a word to use, butterfly effect. Even that doesn’t seem to cut it in truth. I’ve been over the moon the last few days haha. 

I think this has come at the right time, whatever that means anymore :P I went from being a little upset about someting, to one of the weirdest crazy, i have no idea happy, probably other things thrown in there to days i have ever had.

Im so proud of myself. You have no idea.  

My responce to my outburst on twitter last night

I had a small whatever that was on twitter last night. Posted a whole bunch of stuff ranting about how im being selfish, because of reasons, when i should be happy that people are finally deciding who they want to be, and how they want to act.

Although amoungst the angst and my emotional state, there were a few things, after i calmed down which i could point to which could have been leading me to all of a sudden feel the way i did.

I remember telling this person I was rather proud of them for what they have done. And some of that got me thinking “when was the last time someone said that to me” that they we’re proud of me. and to be fair besides family i honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone said that to me, and i said it so often to people.

From there i was then thinking “whens the last time someone just asked if i was okay”. Just because. Like have no other reason other than just to see if “everythings okay”. Something out of the blue for no reason. 

I’ve been helping other people lately so much that now that that this particular situation has been cleared up, I have no idea why, and with no fault to them

I just started thinking if anyone would be like that to me, or have they ever been like that to me.And I Had a hard time of thinking of many people who would. and even if they did I’d always feel i was bugging them. 

For whatever reason i think im looking for a little bit of validation sometimes. Just an every now and then if someone just said  ”i was doing everything just fine”, or “that everything was going to be alright”, or  just someone asking “if im okay” or even you know just “thanks for being you”.

I say that stuff to people all the time, and i cant for the life of me remember many times when someone just said it out of the blue to me, and i think that’s what im getting at. 

Phases

The stars sparkle brightly, the sun shines brilliantly, and it always regardless looks beautiful over water. You’re eyes have an effect on me, you’re personality is overwhelmingly nice to be around, and to be perfectly clear it’s lovely to be around you.

 Keep jumping around, and smiling. I don’t know what it is but smiling always seems to be a constant at the moment. I’m really not exactly sure why but it is really really nice. It’s nice to have a crush, something to hope for, something for that brief instant makes you feel that everything is worth doing for that person and nothing can stop you from doing it.

I keep getting pulled in. I can’t help myself from being pulled into this feeling. That initial feeling of nerves where you had no idea how they’re going to react. And then you’re happy with any reaction at all, and then after all that you finally become comfortable with what you’re doing and it gets bigger from this level of comfort. Almost to the point when you then have to confess to them that you have developed these feelings for them and that although nothing major hangs on their decision.  For a brief and significant moment everything could change all from the outcome of one sentence, or one word, or a smile or a hug or even a kind of stare deep into your eyes giving you a knowing that everything you were hoping for had come true.

I’m reluctant to call it a phase, because at times it feels so much more than just a passing glance of emotions building and dropping. 

Yes, I’ve made a decision, all i need now is the right opportunity

Its really quite remarkable. Almost the moment i decided to not focus on something, bang! it comes and slaps me in the face. 

She is remarkable, and rather wonderful. After taking some time now, its dawned on me that i have legitimate feelings towards her. Its not just a phase i might have been going through, but its that i generally absolutely like this girl. That much i am sure of.

I caught myself reciting what i would say to her exactly. Was the strangest feeling as everything flowed in my head, and what i thought made sense. Unwavering, fearless, worry-less  sense. so heres what i came up with.

I plan telling her this in person just in case your wondering.

Hey (name of person), I have been racking my brain over how I should let you know about this, so here we  The truth is that I have developed feeling for you, and was wondering if you felt the same.

Well I met this one girl

There’s this girl I’ve met recently. She really seems rather nice. Shes cute, has a nice smile and really just nice to be around. 

I really hope this time things might work. This time things actually might just eventuate into something more than the friend zone haha.

But I think I need to take a step back for a moment.

Yes I feel a bit nervous around her at times wanting to say the right things,yet at the same time when im talking to her things seem rather relaxed. 

Am i starting to like this girl, or am i just reading into things. 

Either way i have a feeling things will work out alright. Whatever that may mean. 

Stuff I’ve come across during the last few weeks

Breathe, relax, say what you need to say. 

Do not at any point think the world is against you because it isn’t. In all reality the only person who could really be against you in the long term is you, and only you. 

Remember that your wonderful. That when you wake up in the morning, you remember all the things you’ve done to make people smile, all the things that people have said to you, that made you smile.

Breathe,Take it all in. Just stand there for a moment, and realise that you at one point of another have made someone happy. Like really happy, in the fact you have brought them from a state of not being happy, into a position where they realize whatever was making them unhappy was pointless and unnecessary. 

Relax. Too many people are stressing over the “what if’s, and “the maybe if I did that” or whatever else which is making people stressed. it would be nice if people realized that what has happened can’t be changed, and on the other side, if nothing has happend yet, realise it might just wok out for the better, and not your supposed “simulations” you play in your head, which make us think it’s always going to turn to shit.

I think it’s better to have tried, and realize, “hey you know what, at least i know what the outcome would have been” instead of pulling away and not even attempting anything leaving them with the “if only i did this maybe things would be different” idea floating and tormenting them. 

Say what you need to say.  Im finding at the moment, that communication really is paramount in any sort or relationship. Whether that be romantically linked, or juut a general friendship, or something between the two, or something different all together. If people are not on the same page with what the terms of the relationship are, or what the other ones feelings are, but they don’t tell them about these “concerns” if they have any. It’s not a fun feeling.

So that’s what I’ve come across over the past few weeks. That people should take the opportunity to stop everything and breathe for a second. Relaxed about the things that they cant change or even what hasn’t happened yet. And weren’t scared to voice their feelings about things, and say what they needed to say. 

I think we would all feel a little bit better if we did some of this. 

To the one who i want to make smile more often

There’s this girl i recently added on Facebook. A lot of her statuses at the moment are of her being angry or upset about something, so i wrote this, so that i might tell her one day soon. 

I was wondering if you were alright, cause in honesty looking at your statuses, you don’t look like in much of a good mood. and would really like to take this opportunity to tell you something important. 

That even we’ve barley talked in a very long long while, and even in the brief moment the other week, you actually made me smile. and even though that doesn’t take much, i want to thankyou none the less, and consequently I want to tell you something that i hope actually might impress.

That all the while your upset and things, I’m there if you ever need to talk. I don’t hold any judgement’s at all, and to be honest im a good listener. 

So i guess keep that in mind next time, if your upset and im online. I’d be more than happy to try and make you smile, or at least make you feel a little better.

Just some thoughts that came to my head

There’s something so soft natured about you. something i can’t really put directly into words, or explain them with the ones i know.

But even if i was a professor in English, and the thought of thinking about you is rather simplistic, yet you can probably tell by my attempt at rhyme, that i dont do this all the time.

Thinking of words to sum up how beautiful you are to me, would be harder than doing an advanced course in anatomy. 

Your eye shine and glimmer, and look straight into my soul. And my lord I start to shiver, tinglings up my neck i can’t control. 

And really you should realize, you make me smile uncontrollably. which makes me think I cant even begin to theorize, any other possibility…..

Without you

I want to wake up in the morning, see you lying next to me. And the weather might be appalling, But I’ll feel so much brighter next to you, just you see.

I want to hold you in my arms, and tell you I love you. In which even in the cold, you’d feel the warmth from right above you.

Now that everything’s said and done, I hope you can at finally see, my plans for so much fun, and that you mean so much too me. 

Because its true, not a word of a lie. And yet here’s me really hoping I didnt manage to make you cry. 

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oh wow really relevant right now.